Yeesh!

its been 7 months ...

I started blogging because I was generally a sad and to scribbling all that gloom was my expression. I wanted to make my blog a bit happier.

In the past few months, I actually got REAL reasons to be sad. Couldn't write about them because they were super depressing. From one low to another. And when I wasn't sad, I had issues to solve ... but issues never go away. You get it now right?

I at one point wanted to just close this vestigial blog, I procrastinated. Now I'm getting subtle spiritual(I think) nudges to persist. Plus Twitter, Tumblr and Google+ don't encourage me to come on here.

The Impending attack : How to Survive!

Hey! Its been ages. Lost the zeal to write, to do anything, really.
Promised a friend I'd write. I opened up a new post countless times before this, just always closed it before writing anything.

So without further ado lets get back to why I'm here.

Preparation? you ask
Well preparation for vals day of course.

Allow me to tell you about someone. Someone I wanted to val. Not just on the 14th of February but for many months before and after. The kind of person that'll make me deny writing last year's "Vals post". The person I'm stupid for. Yada yada...
Anyway turns out he ... (hahahahaha <--- That would have been sooo funny)
Anyway turns out she is in love with someone else. Now I don't know how to make a girl fall in love, as in real love o, if I did, I'd try. If anyone has real insight, leave a comment. As for that whole being yourself crap, I'm as ME as I can get when I'm with her. The end!?! Besides the point!

The way I see it the valentine bug is akin to the T-virus. Instead of zombies running around yelling Brains!!! and eating them, you get zombies running around chanting Hearts!!! and eating them too(whether in the form of chocolates or underwear! <-- true story!).

Valentines day this year is the beginning of the end of the world. There is an infection going around and you better be ready. Now some people have caught it and have still made plans to make their lives a little bit better. Some are going away on long weekend trips, getaways and what not, to maintain sanity. Like I always say "if you find that you have been infected with a " Those that have caught the bug and are unable to plan trips to their sanity sanctuary are probably going to eat their hearts out.

There are those who are immune, like yours truly, that are adept survivors of Zombie plagues. My plan is to gather a weeks worth of food, alcohol, anime and series(Really -__-! what did you expect!) and weather the storm!. Or go get tail in some neighboring state, you always need a plan B.

Now if you are Not infected and are thinking of just blending in with the crowd, Don't. Big mistake! I suggest you find an anti-vals center, hang with the sane group of people and wait it out. And if after a week, the heart hysteria has not passed, we are all doomed anyway.

*Infected people with plans I don't mind hearing all about them, I'm sure most of them are wonderful.


*Infected people without plans - Don't complain that just makes you look bitter.


*Non Infected peeps - If you have any suggestions on making that weekend better pls share, we could even join resources.

There are no rules.

There really are no rules...
there are levels,
to ascend to the new level,
you must become master of the previous one,
mastering a level gives you strategic power over it,
so naturally you have power over those in the "Lesser" levels.

There are really no rules...
everybody was born without priviledges,
every level has its privileges,
the higher the level, the more/better the privileges,
the better the privilege, the bigger your greed,
the bigger your greed, the less willing you are to help others advance to your level,
cos more people at your level means a harder time ascending to the next.

There really is no law...
there are men,
there are men who have acquired privileges, power, levels,
these men create consequences for those in the lower levels,
there are men at the highest level,
so naturally there are those at levels without consequences.


There is really no law...
there are men at the highest level,
these men create the consequences,
these men make the rules,
these men control the law,
these men are the law.

Everybody wants to do just whatever they want, without consequences.
Everybody wants to be privileged.
Everybody wants power.
Everybody wants to get to the highest level.
Everybody is someone's law.


P.S. Except that first guy...

Black Tuesday

Monday the 28^th of June 2010 ... she walked in the door and told me to make her something to eat. I warmed some beans for her and served her she ate. Later that night, she went to see the doctor. She came back with the result of her blood test, which indicated only malaria, and a prescription for something. I was supposed to go with her to the pharmacy, I waited. I asked her sometime later to hand me the prescription and let me go myself to the pharmacy but she brushed it off saying it was late and that first thing in the morning we’ll get the drugs.

The next morning I woke up to the hysterical call of me and my brother’s name by my dad. The despair in his voice gave me a gut wrenching feeling I have only felt a few times in my life before. He said “it’s your mother” and my soul was shrouded by bleakness, my thoughts shattered by fear. I rushed in to the room and saw her gasping for air... time paused... he said to me “switch on the gen”, to my brother “get the doctor”. Time was choppy... I was at the back door, fumbling with the keys, I exhaled to calm down... I was spilling petrol in my attempt to fuel the generator... I was rushing back into her room.

I watched as she hurled into a bowl I held up for her while he supported her sitting position from her back. I watched her suffer through a couple of violent body spasms that each seemed to go on forever and simultaneously feel longer than the last. I held her hands tight, trying to say a million things with that one gesture... It’ll be okay... you can get through this... not you, HE wouldn’t let anything happen to you... I could only sit and hope she got some of it.

The spasms stopped, she was able to speak lightly now. She said “I want to lie down”. He was reluctant, he said “it is better when you sit up”. She insisted, we agreed, she started to sleep. We could hear sleep sounds coming for her while we waited, time frozen with hope, anxiety, dread and faith, for the doctor to come.

She was quiet, I reached out and wrapped my fingers round her ankle... I waited... no bump under her skin or through her veins... ‘What do I know, am I a doctor? I am probably too tense to even feel anything’. Time was choppy again... They stormed in with the drip and things. The doctor went to the side of her bed... i went to the other side... he checked her heartbeat... then rolled her off her side on her back... he opened her eyelids and checked the one on his side... he shifted the beam into her other eye, the one next to me... her pupils ... my mother was dead.

Everything stopped, time stopped. My mind, my soul stopped. I was stunned ... i still am. So much that I haven’t cried... yet. I took her to the morgue that day and after a time I was afraid I was not human. That the evil I thought was lurking deep inside me wasn’t really that deep. I was afraid I was a monster. But after a while I realised that I was not grieving because of the interruptions that will come. Well wishers and sympathizers, with well meaning hearts, giving the same speeches over and over again. I think I just want to be through with the burial and lock myself in and cry for days. The funeral is on the 16^th ... two more days for me to be strong.

They say... “God knows best” and then they say “We can’t question God”. So they expect me not to question the one with all the answers? I will question Him. I know He can choose not to answer me, but I expect Him to, even if it takes years. Who knows it might be a long time before I comprehend what has happened, or what He tells me, but I still need to know. If not that feeling of insignificance, equating my existence with that of a paltry amoeba, will linger somewhere in my subconscious. Because if all I could do was stare as her life force left her body, then...

Update

So I left for a while ... Again
The job was not that easy to leave after all. They kept bribing me with unseen incentives that where always just out of reach.

The partying was harder to leave... my group of friends were awesome and I miss them most.
Started reading again... for another small exam... but like everything else in my life ... I blow it out of proportion ... or I underplay its importance till it becomes a real problem. I'm totally blowing the exam thing outta proportion... but its the first step to the Bigger and Harder exams I really need ... so underplaying it will seriously wound my career.

I miss my friends but had to bail town to lay the foundations of my independent life.
I miss the trips we had... and our usual paroles ... miss Abuja small.
Don't miss the job... never really liked it. Left their asses immediately I discovered it was never going to be worth it.

So this seems to be one of those points in life where a new phase starts... lets see what happens from now on.

Cross my chest.

Mehn! It's been a minute! No be small thing ...
First of all let me just say I'm sorry for neglecting you ...
I've been on a drinking, partying spree ... and haven't even been online in like two weeks!!!
I got a job and I've been busy trying to enhance the company or enjoy the company of friends ... so its like work, friends, work, drinks, work, clubs, work, vows of celibacy!
So in like one week I'll finaly decide if the job is worth it or if I'm bailing on their asses... but for now I'll stick around.
And yeah I'll be here more often, Promise... Cross my chest (there is no heart in there!).
Later y'all!

P.s. Please who can introduce me to Keri Hilson. I Like!!!

The Vals post.

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Okay, you know those deep and analytical posts on love... This is NOT one.

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First lemme just say that I love LOVE! And I'll tell you why.
I'm a very indulgent person, and I am also very open-minded, that is why I can say I'm indulgent.
Now my acceptance of my excesses is what makes my indulgence seem controlled ... I accept when I've indulged enough.
Now naturally I also want to see others to drop their falsities and do what they want to deep down inside.
This is why I like love... it is the most indulgent human emotion. Every human deep down wants to feel love and love in return. People like me say shit like ... love sucks... love is masochistic.... Love will kill you, which are all true but so will alcohol, cigarettes and a bunch of other bullshit we enjoy everyday(cough*coke*ing).


It is an indulgent emotion because people get lost in it... it becomes all they live for. It is the most stupid emotion i.e It is the only emotion that uses less intellect than anger. I've seen hateful people scheme because they want to hurt their enemies ... I haven't seen a thinking man in love.
It is an indulgence because you need no reason and usually have none. The reasons you do have are not really good... and deep down you don't know why you do it.

Q: Why do you drink/smoke/have indiscriminate sex/Love?
A: to stay warm.
A: to stay awake
A: to go to sleep
A: It makes you happy

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I'm not going to act like those self righteous bastards that tell you everything making you happy is BAD.

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No I am an advocate of happiness I say go out do what makes you happy... It is okay to be Happy.
It is okay to leaves school and elope with that sweetheart of yours and 10 years later be living in a trailer ... at least you'll have love.
It is okay to send your life savings to your new found love in South America so she can pay off her debt, and fly and come to be with you... at least you gave love a chance ... and I'm sure if given the opportunity, you'll do it again.
It is Okay to donate your heart to the person you met two weeks ago and are sure without a doubt is your one true love... at least your love will live on in her new found heart.



This is Darkneo saying to the world: Love like there is no tomorrow.
Love like there is no yesterday.
Live for love.
Die for love.
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To truly love and love truly, you must use all your heart and none of your brain.
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Pictures by Darkneo!