About Me.

You know those introductory posts where the person narrates his life story and aspirations with incredible detail, this is not one of them.

Okay this is the 3rd most mind boggling topic in the world to me.
1) What is the meaning of life?
2) Why are humans destined to make themselves/others miserable?
3) Who am I?
4) What do women want? (and I even know the answer to this one = EVERYTHING)

When I get into an interview, all is dandy till the Interviewer says : "So who is 9janeo"
What kind of question is that
The first answer in my head is who the fcuk are YOU. I just hate the question.
The truth is I feel like I am never who I say I am, I may have an idea but I really don't know.



So please allow me to break this post into two,
Who I think I am
who I say I am

Who I say I am
No long thing, I just list
I am a laid back and easy going.
I am down to earth and humble.
I don't like fighting or confrontation.
I am very quiet.
I love having fun.
Yada yada....

Who I think I am
I am lazy. No food for the lazy man? ... you must be blind... the people that work the hardest in this life are the hungriest. Take some CEO for example who is driven to the office at 5am and sometimes stays there overnight (bear in mind his office has an A.C and he got breakfast, lunch and ordered dinner). Then take the laborer that works 5hrs non stop lifting bricks in the sun and has to trek to his house to give his wife the pittance he just made and is begging for 5 more hours of work just to make more money.

I am actually very insecure. This tends to rub of on people as humility or shyness. But still in a very weird way I am proud... I feel that people don't get me cause well I'm too special to be understood.

I think I'm a fucking genius... even though I try my best not to imply it in any way ... because human beings will want to test you. My hypothetical "niceness" is not as a result of conscious effort by me.

I am actually really quiet, because I learned at an early age that when you say the shit in your mind to somebody, you piss them off. And because I am lazy in the first place I don't have the time and energy to be thinking up socially acceptable ways of using the words I went to school to learn.

I was raised in religion but deep down I feel like there is no hereafter and so I try to achieve all I can in this life, be it in partying or in research or in contributing for the next generation... this thought is what got me through school. That one day I'm going to program the first thinking robot and be solely responsible for the annihilation of the scourge of this planet that is the human race

P.s. if you have not picked it up by now... I have lost faith in the human nature.


There is another angle to who I am : Who people think I am.
This I think is the most accurate description of a person.
Don't give me that bullshit about how you shouldn't listen to people's opinions about you. The truth is you should, not to a single person, listen to many, but take a consensus. If 6 different people with no relations tell you you are rude, then you are rude. The truth is if you can get 20 different people to HONESTLY write about you, not just friends and you take the common parts out, I think you will find an almost accurate description of who you are.

We are partial/unjust beings... think about how objective you REALLY are about yourself... and you'll still be biased in that answer.

Now I know some pshycologists and possibly psychiatrists will want to shed light on my mental condition. I also know that there are those who claim to have "discovered" themselves since they were 18 ... please feel free to express your own thoughts.

I Woke Up!!!

I woke up, it was dark, I saw him staring back at me with murderous intent.
I took a step towards him
At this point I am staring directly into enraged dark eyes
Eyes owned by an eidolon of my other self
I could feel it, the rage the anger the hatred
Confused by his aura, I asked him "why are you so angry?"

He glared back and all he said was "you had no right!!!"
I needed an explanation and decided to use his emotions to get it.
I smiled and with an mild voice I said "of course I did, I had every right"
It worked. He exploded "What do you mean!!! I was almost done, you were all mine, you had almost given up!!!"
He took a deep breath then said "you know we are going to keep trying right!?!, and one day one of us will get you."

"What do you mean???"

"well, you managed to push me out just before I did my job, but it does not matter because even though you have almost total control right now, some of my friends are still in there trying, and many are out here looking for a way in! and we wont stop trying!!"

He moved his dark form ever so slightly to the right and behind him I saw a row of dark specters much like himself stretch beyond my view.
He raised his chin in a quick gesture, making me aware of someone behind me, making me spin to face another silhouette smiling at me.



"He is right you know!?!"
I don't know why but his smile disturbed me, there were a thousand 'more important' questions in my mind but I still I asked "what are you smiling for"
The smile changed to a dark laugh then he said
"I'm Pride!!!" "I always smile ... unlike our friend there" he pointed, I didn't have to turn around to know who he was pointing at.
"Excuse his rudeness, he is just tired of the tango ... you see both of you have fought for control since the beginning and apparently you fight him more than the rest of us because you consider him your worst enemy...He is depression"

"What does he want, what do YOU want?"

"We want to give you character! right now you are pure, unmodified, without us you'll be so ordinary.... we give you personality, Character ... without us you are nothing". He started to laugh the same dark laugh as before. Then he seemingly shifted.

I could see behind him the same unending queue of dark specters. This time I knew they were qualities and then I remembered what depression said: "some of my friends are still in there trying". Some I had, some I didn't .... some were disposable, some were attainable.
The conceited laughter filled my head.

I WOKE UP!

The Edge Of Norm

Recently life had been bumping him around
He had fought but kept getting knocked down
he did some soul searching. He found nothing but a gray bordering on blackness - a colorless soul. He realized he made himself this way pushing everyone away so frequently it had become basic instinct. The only reason he was not completely black inside was because he still related with human beings, the most basic superficial beneficial relationships possible.

People-relations meant emotions, emotions were a distraction, when distracted he found himself fighting, struggling with 99% of the worlds population. That's the reason he learnt to stand at the edge of norm. Because only here at the brink of unconventionality will you notice
how absurd the norm actually is
how the morally derelict exile the physically derelict
how the morally wealthy worship the physically wealthy

He remembered why he lived at the border of expected function, why he stood at quietly watching. Watching the crowd move haphazardly around the center that was the utopia it was so desperately seeking. He stood outside these circles they formed to gradually gain the virtues and vices he needed to cut through them and surpass them all.


That is why he does it, when he is there the perspective is good. From that vantage point he can see all the "surprises" he needs to prepare for. He stood up dusted himself off, cut all emotional ties he recently formed with these ... people, and walked quietly to the edge of norm.