There are no rules.

There really are no rules...
there are levels,
to ascend to the new level,
you must become master of the previous one,
mastering a level gives you strategic power over it,
so naturally you have power over those in the "Lesser" levels.

There are really no rules...
everybody was born without priviledges,
every level has its privileges,
the higher the level, the more/better the privileges,
the better the privilege, the bigger your greed,
the bigger your greed, the less willing you are to help others advance to your level,
cos more people at your level means a harder time ascending to the next.

There really is no law...
there are men,
there are men who have acquired privileges, power, levels,
these men create consequences for those in the lower levels,
there are men at the highest level,
so naturally there are those at levels without consequences.


There is really no law...
there are men at the highest level,
these men create the consequences,
these men make the rules,
these men control the law,
these men are the law.

Everybody wants to do just whatever they want, without consequences.
Everybody wants to be privileged.
Everybody wants power.
Everybody wants to get to the highest level.
Everybody is someone's law.


P.S. Except that first guy...

Black Tuesday

Monday the 28^th of June 2010 ... she walked in the door and told me to make her something to eat. I warmed some beans for her and served her she ate. Later that night, she went to see the doctor. She came back with the result of her blood test, which indicated only malaria, and a prescription for something. I was supposed to go with her to the pharmacy, I waited. I asked her sometime later to hand me the prescription and let me go myself to the pharmacy but she brushed it off saying it was late and that first thing in the morning we’ll get the drugs.

The next morning I woke up to the hysterical call of me and my brother’s name by my dad. The despair in his voice gave me a gut wrenching feeling I have only felt a few times in my life before. He said “it’s your mother” and my soul was shrouded by bleakness, my thoughts shattered by fear. I rushed in to the room and saw her gasping for air... time paused... he said to me “switch on the gen”, to my brother “get the doctor”. Time was choppy... I was at the back door, fumbling with the keys, I exhaled to calm down... I was spilling petrol in my attempt to fuel the generator... I was rushing back into her room.

I watched as she hurled into a bowl I held up for her while he supported her sitting position from her back. I watched her suffer through a couple of violent body spasms that each seemed to go on forever and simultaneously feel longer than the last. I held her hands tight, trying to say a million things with that one gesture... It’ll be okay... you can get through this... not you, HE wouldn’t let anything happen to you... I could only sit and hope she got some of it.

The spasms stopped, she was able to speak lightly now. She said “I want to lie down”. He was reluctant, he said “it is better when you sit up”. She insisted, we agreed, she started to sleep. We could hear sleep sounds coming for her while we waited, time frozen with hope, anxiety, dread and faith, for the doctor to come.

She was quiet, I reached out and wrapped my fingers round her ankle... I waited... no bump under her skin or through her veins... ‘What do I know, am I a doctor? I am probably too tense to even feel anything’. Time was choppy again... They stormed in with the drip and things. The doctor went to the side of her bed... i went to the other side... he checked her heartbeat... then rolled her off her side on her back... he opened her eyelids and checked the one on his side... he shifted the beam into her other eye, the one next to me... her pupils ... my mother was dead.

Everything stopped, time stopped. My mind, my soul stopped. I was stunned ... i still am. So much that I haven’t cried... yet. I took her to the morgue that day and after a time I was afraid I was not human. That the evil I thought was lurking deep inside me wasn’t really that deep. I was afraid I was a monster. But after a while I realised that I was not grieving because of the interruptions that will come. Well wishers and sympathizers, with well meaning hearts, giving the same speeches over and over again. I think I just want to be through with the burial and lock myself in and cry for days. The funeral is on the 16^th ... two more days for me to be strong.

They say... “God knows best” and then they say “We can’t question God”. So they expect me not to question the one with all the answers? I will question Him. I know He can choose not to answer me, but I expect Him to, even if it takes years. Who knows it might be a long time before I comprehend what has happened, or what He tells me, but I still need to know. If not that feeling of insignificance, equating my existence with that of a paltry amoeba, will linger somewhere in my subconscious. Because if all I could do was stare as her life force left her body, then...

Update

So I left for a while ... Again
The job was not that easy to leave after all. They kept bribing me with unseen incentives that where always just out of reach.

The partying was harder to leave... my group of friends were awesome and I miss them most.
Started reading again... for another small exam... but like everything else in my life ... I blow it out of proportion ... or I underplay its importance till it becomes a real problem. I'm totally blowing the exam thing outta proportion... but its the first step to the Bigger and Harder exams I really need ... so underplaying it will seriously wound my career.

I miss my friends but had to bail town to lay the foundations of my independent life.
I miss the trips we had... and our usual paroles ... miss Abuja small.
Don't miss the job... never really liked it. Left their asses immediately I discovered it was never going to be worth it.

So this seems to be one of those points in life where a new phase starts... lets see what happens from now on.

Cross my chest.

Mehn! It's been a minute! No be small thing ...
First of all let me just say I'm sorry for neglecting you ...
I've been on a drinking, partying spree ... and haven't even been online in like two weeks!!!
I got a job and I've been busy trying to enhance the company or enjoy the company of friends ... so its like work, friends, work, drinks, work, clubs, work, vows of celibacy!
So in like one week I'll finaly decide if the job is worth it or if I'm bailing on their asses... but for now I'll stick around.
And yeah I'll be here more often, Promise... Cross my chest (there is no heart in there!).
Later y'all!

P.s. Please who can introduce me to Keri Hilson. I Like!!!

The Vals post.

..................................................................................................................................
Okay, you know those deep and analytical posts on love... This is NOT one.

...................................................................................................................................

First lemme just say that I love LOVE! And I'll tell you why.
I'm a very indulgent person, and I am also very open-minded, that is why I can say I'm indulgent.
Now my acceptance of my excesses is what makes my indulgence seem controlled ... I accept when I've indulged enough.
Now naturally I also want to see others to drop their falsities and do what they want to deep down inside.
This is why I like love... it is the most indulgent human emotion. Every human deep down wants to feel love and love in return. People like me say shit like ... love sucks... love is masochistic.... Love will kill you, which are all true but so will alcohol, cigarettes and a bunch of other bullshit we enjoy everyday(cough*coke*ing).


It is an indulgent emotion because people get lost in it... it becomes all they live for. It is the most stupid emotion i.e It is the only emotion that uses less intellect than anger. I've seen hateful people scheme because they want to hurt their enemies ... I haven't seen a thinking man in love.
It is an indulgence because you need no reason and usually have none. The reasons you do have are not really good... and deep down you don't know why you do it.

Q: Why do you drink/smoke/have indiscriminate sex/Love?
A: to stay warm.
A: to stay awake
A: to go to sleep
A: It makes you happy

........................................................................................................................................................................
I'm not going to act like those self righteous bastards that tell you everything making you happy is BAD.

........................................................................................................................................................................

No I am an advocate of happiness I say go out do what makes you happy... It is okay to be Happy.
It is okay to leaves school and elope with that sweetheart of yours and 10 years later be living in a trailer ... at least you'll have love.
It is okay to send your life savings to your new found love in South America so she can pay off her debt, and fly and come to be with you... at least you gave love a chance ... and I'm sure if given the opportunity, you'll do it again.
It is Okay to donate your heart to the person you met two weeks ago and are sure without a doubt is your one true love... at least your love will live on in her new found heart.



This is Darkneo saying to the world: Love like there is no tomorrow.
Love like there is no yesterday.
Live for love.
Die for love.
............................................................................................................................................
To truly love and love truly, you must use all your heart and none of your brain.
............................................................................................................................................
Pictures by Darkneo!

About Me.

You know those introductory posts where the person narrates his life story and aspirations with incredible detail, this is not one of them.

Okay this is the 3rd most mind boggling topic in the world to me.
1) What is the meaning of life?
2) Why are humans destined to make themselves/others miserable?
3) Who am I?
4) What do women want? (and I even know the answer to this one = EVERYTHING)

When I get into an interview, all is dandy till the Interviewer says : "So who is 9janeo"
What kind of question is that
The first answer in my head is who the fcuk are YOU. I just hate the question.
The truth is I feel like I am never who I say I am, I may have an idea but I really don't know.



So please allow me to break this post into two,
Who I think I am
who I say I am

Who I say I am
No long thing, I just list
I am a laid back and easy going.
I am down to earth and humble.
I don't like fighting or confrontation.
I am very quiet.
I love having fun.
Yada yada....

Who I think I am
I am lazy. No food for the lazy man? ... you must be blind... the people that work the hardest in this life are the hungriest. Take some CEO for example who is driven to the office at 5am and sometimes stays there overnight (bear in mind his office has an A.C and he got breakfast, lunch and ordered dinner). Then take the laborer that works 5hrs non stop lifting bricks in the sun and has to trek to his house to give his wife the pittance he just made and is begging for 5 more hours of work just to make more money.

I am actually very insecure. This tends to rub of on people as humility or shyness. But still in a very weird way I am proud... I feel that people don't get me cause well I'm too special to be understood.

I think I'm a fucking genius... even though I try my best not to imply it in any way ... because human beings will want to test you. My hypothetical "niceness" is not as a result of conscious effort by me.

I am actually really quiet, because I learned at an early age that when you say the shit in your mind to somebody, you piss them off. And because I am lazy in the first place I don't have the time and energy to be thinking up socially acceptable ways of using the words I went to school to learn.

I was raised in religion but deep down I feel like there is no hereafter and so I try to achieve all I can in this life, be it in partying or in research or in contributing for the next generation... this thought is what got me through school. That one day I'm going to program the first thinking robot and be solely responsible for the annihilation of the scourge of this planet that is the human race

P.s. if you have not picked it up by now... I have lost faith in the human nature.


There is another angle to who I am : Who people think I am.
This I think is the most accurate description of a person.
Don't give me that bullshit about how you shouldn't listen to people's opinions about you. The truth is you should, not to a single person, listen to many, but take a consensus. If 6 different people with no relations tell you you are rude, then you are rude. The truth is if you can get 20 different people to HONESTLY write about you, not just friends and you take the common parts out, I think you will find an almost accurate description of who you are.

We are partial/unjust beings... think about how objective you REALLY are about yourself... and you'll still be biased in that answer.

Now I know some pshycologists and possibly psychiatrists will want to shed light on my mental condition. I also know that there are those who claim to have "discovered" themselves since they were 18 ... please feel free to express your own thoughts.

What ...yay!

Once agsain don't have a title... Whatever the title is was formed after the post. I'm supposed to be working on getting into school for my masters.... but somehow I find myself doing all the same shit again! Getting wasted over and over agian... matter of fact, I'm more motivated to get a job more than ever before! Okay I have only eating indomie and cake this year, but I'm so..... I forgot what I wanted to say. Oh yeah ... I'm so lazy I want to get a job to keep this lifestyle up ... or I'd have to go to school and read instead of partying ... alot.
Hey how do you get titles.... seriously?
1. Do you form it in the middle of writing your post?
2. Do you write the post around the title?
E.G think up a rally cool phrase and write a post around it!
3. Do you write a really good post and come up with a "Cool" name for it?

seriously I need help blogging
I don't even know why I started this blog!??!??!!!!

P.s Coming up next the post "About me" you never had!!!
I realised most blogs start with the intros of the writers ... mine started the way it has always been..... with stories of random gibberish from me you don't not even understand