He had felt this way before, lying face down not trying to fight the quiet tears running down his face. In this state he thought a lot about the fucked up world he lived in. He knew there were happier people in the world that had less than half of what he could boast of .... this made him feel worse... a tinge of guilt that he was wallowing when he had so much to be happy about. But he had no Idea how people could ignore the messed up conundrum that is their life.
He had so much he wanted to do, he had failed in so many things and ways. Even if he succeeded it will all come to a grinding halt with his imminent demise. Aware that there are times that the world is a happy place and maybe it is worth living for these times he still lay there shedding these tears not entirely for himself but also for those suffering souls living somewhere in a gutter of utter insignificance and nothingness the rest of the world passing by in make believe obliviousness. How can they just prosper ignoring and many times causing rifts of misery to wash over those less capable.
FINE they worked to achieve their present status ... it does not make it right. His face leaked because most in the position to change the situation didn't they just gave a little to feel less guilty that they had so much. He knew it would not change, he was always destined to succeed, he knew he would become one of them when he achieved destiny. And now his consideration of those suffering souls out there in the world made him realize that when he is happy he is happy for himself only. When he wants to end it all he is being entirely selfish in his decision.
Of course still crying he realised this world is fucked up because he does not give a shit about it and it does not give a shit about him. This is what drives us to achieve so moch against all odds, but we end up celebrating alone like we were from the start. What made him fall deeper into this blackhole he formed around himself was the fact that he'd always be too much of acoward to do anything, wether end it or change it. His life, this life was fucked, he wiped his tears away and feigned ignorance to carry on, just like everyone else.
Extract from Slip Out The Back - Fort Minor
I don't need to tell you that life isn't fair
it doesn't care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air
And like you
I want someone to say its okay.....